Hearing the Voice of God

i have been trucking along in my walk as a Christian, trying my best to follow God's commands as i know them to be from my past Bible reading and study.  over the last several...maybe 6-12 months...i have been relying on what i already know, but i have not made Jesus my one priority.  my priority has been myself, my emotions, my enjoyment, my feeling of security, my this, my that.  

as i should, i have continued in my commitment to expose myself to God's word through church and such.  what i have not done is to sit down and ask God for a word for me and then open the Bible and seek it out for myself.  this is about to change.  today.

i heard a sermon on wednesday night at church that i enjoyed, but i didn't really take anything way from it.  i talked with kristin on thursday about how the point of the message was potentially useful for someone else, but i wasn't really thinking of myself at that point.  that changed during a 30 minute drive on friday.  i realized that wednesday's message was a word for me!  the message had been about losing sight of Jesus.  he had pointed out that it is even possible to lose Jesus while doing things in his name.  it's possible to lose your focus on Jesus by doing things that are perfectly acceptable and good.  but sometimes you need to stop where you are and turn around, go back to where you lost sight of Jesus, leaving behind the crowd you've been traveling with.

ok, where am i going with this in terms of my own life?  i have been struggling (although i didn't realize i was struggling) with decisions about the fall.  since leaving the nazarene church and giving up my role as leader of our mops group, i have been seeking out a new group.  there are two choices, one that meets twice a month, but conflicts with my weekly Bible study (which is also a Bible study for caleb) and the other meets once a month, but does not conflict with my Bible study.

i had pretty much made up my mind to quit my morning Bible study to attend the twice a month mops group.  i would still do the Bible study, but would attend on monday evenings without caleb.

i received a phone call from the Bible study leader, asking if i would interview for a children's leader position.  this threw a wrench in my plan.  i began feeling doubt about my decision to switch from the daytime Bible study for both myself and caleb to the evening Bible study that would not include caleb.  i was still leaning strongly toward the switch though...

so, in the car on friday, i realized that i was following the crowd, but not keeping my eyes on Jesus.  several of my mops friends were going to attend the other mops group (the one that conflicts with my Bible study) and i was seeking to remain a part of my group of friends.  that's not a bad thing, but the problem was that i was seeking it because it made me feel good, but not because i had been seeking to follow Jesus.

confirmation came on friday night.  i attended a beth moore simulcast at my church.  the message was about working for my 100-fold harvest.  it was about hearing God's word and not letting it slip by without taking root in my heart.  it was also about taking that word that i've hidden in my heart and applying it to my life, helping me to achieve my 100-fold harvest.  she placed emphasis on the 100 fold harvest not necessarily meaning 100 folks.

my application: stick with my daytime Bible study, interview for the children's leader position, and watch God continue to work in me through the study of His word.