A Word About Parenting

For quite a while now, I've been on a roller coaster in regards to parenting Caleb.

Sometimes I feel like I'm really on top of things.  I control my emotions, I give clear instructions, and I remain patient as I repeat myself for the 5th and 6th time.

Most recently, I have felt very out of control.  I have been whining, yelling, and punishing him for every little thing.  I can sense the hatred in my voice.  I know that the hatred comes from my annoyance at his behavior, but that it comes across as contempt for him as a person.

These are not my true feelings and I don't want to break his spirit or increase his negative behavior.  Yes, he needs to obey, he should always be respectful, and he should be kind to others.  Inappropriate behaviors are still unacceptable.  There should be consequences.  But the consequence should not be threatening to his self-esteem.

I think you're getting the picture in terms of how I've been reacting to his negative and inappropriate behaviors.  With that said, I came to a point last night where I realized how out of control I was.  I had lost control of my own emotions and my own reactions.  Every misbehavior was being met with anger and frustration.   Honestly, I reached a point where I was afraid of what my next response might be.

I spent some time last night confessing my situation to my close girlfriends.  They reassured me and encouraged me in my efforts.

This morning, I got the word.  You know, the much-needed word from God.  Two words.  Consistently calm.  He said I needed to remain consistently calm.  I realize that I need his help with this one.  And I pray that he will.

I had my first test already this morning.  I remained calm as I outlined the boundaries for Caleb's behavior.  I remained calm as he pushed through the boundary.  I remained calm as I enforced the consequences.  Caleb responded much more cooperatively than when I react in anger.

I pray that with God's help, I can reestablish a calm, loving, productive system for guiding Caleb toward appropriate, respectful behavior in all situations.